Have You Been To The Beach Lately?
The beach used to be a place you could go to relax and unwind, but judging by the following pictures, people don’t enjoy the simple (or sane) life anymore. Check out these wild photos from people who forgot how to beach. Or perhaps they over beached?
Catch a Wave
Just a Little Phallic
That’s What You Get for Booking an AirBnB
Ah, the famous Maho Beach in Sint Maarten. Where you can enjoy sea, sun, surf and the noise of Airbus A380s coming in to land just a few feet above you. As someone who has spent some time around large aircraft, we can tell you that it’ll leave a ringing in your ears … and you’ll soon hear the whooshing of the waves permanently if you stay there too long.
Yeah, we know dogs love butts. This guy may be a good boy, but even he can’t contain his expression. Typical old man behavior. Just goes to show you don’t need just two legs to enjoy the good life — especially not when you’re on the beach.
That’s One Heck of a Hangover
Sure, you’re going to have a good time when you combine good wine, gorgeous weather and the beach lifestyle. But the next morning? Well, you know what’s worse than having a hangover? Having a hangover and a massive bottle imprinted on your torso surrounded by sunburn.
Surely they need more support than that … never mind. We’re sure you’re concentrating on the fact that she’s clearly got a mismatched swimsuit. Definitely. The styles are completely different, and the colors are off. Still, she’s got the basic beach vibe down to a tee.
The beach is time to chill, but some people love to chill more than others. And in some places, almost anything goes. This guy knows how to enjoy the good life, and we reckon if we were next to him, we’d be seriously chill, as well.
In Scotland, they huddle around their peat fires drinking whisky and telling stories of the mysterious kelpie, a watery horse spirit that sneaks out the lochs to seduce young maidens for … reasons. Maybe this guy is auditioning? We’re sure the snorkel is a prominent feature in mythology.
Tiny chair. Big guy. It wasn’t ever going to end well, was it. Honestly, we’re surprised it was even able to hold him, given his impressive girth. Perhaps he’d be better off on a beach towel or a deckchair with no arms. Let’s hope he escaped!
Editor’s note: The writer for this one has had to go and have a cold shower and a hot cocoa, as he’s been chained up in his office too long due to the pandemic. And lives in a freezing cold part of the country where wetsuits are mandatory when surfing.
Straight Up Cougars
To the grandma who still has it and is not afraid to flaunt it, we give major props. To the men in the back with the boombox, also props for proving confidence is sexy. And to whoever chose the photo for using one from over a decade ago.
Beer at the Beach
There’s no wrong way to drink a beer at the beach … except there it is. Seriously, who likes that much foam? It’s horrible. And unless she has no gag reflex, she’s going to have to close her mouth to swallow, wasting all that precious amber liquid.
That One is Going to Hurt
Okay, having a nice snooze on the beach might seem like bliss. And sure, it’s a comfortable way to pass out after a night of heavy drinking. Until you wake up and you have sand in your hair, eyes, mouth, asscrack, toes and ears. There’s nothing quite like that gritty feeling …
Picture Perfect Shot
We love it when someone makes an effort, and these guys have the most insane timing we’ve seen. It’s definitely worth it for this magical moment. The real question is how long did it take them to set this one up? And how many shots did it take?
A good rule for life, not just the beach: DON’T PICK UP PINK SLIME. Sure, it may look harmless and generally … well … blobby and cool, but it can pack a punch. She’s lucky her hand didn’t swell up to twice the normal size and need a quick trip to the ER.
Surprise! It’s just your local friendly manta ray, Steve. He does this all the time. And look at that adorable face! And big wings that can hug up to three humans at once. Wait, why are they screaming? It’s just Steve. What a lovely rapscallion.
Not Quite Perfection
Slim beachwear: Looks great on slim people. Needs to be upgraded to something less revealing on larger men — it’s simply a matter of proportion. Especially when you’re trying to take a cute photo on the edge of a random boat. Pro tip: watch out for sand between your toes when taking these pictures.
The bucket of doom is hanging above you, Lilliputian. Wait, that’s not a real massively oversized bucket? What a relief! From the famous Leaning Tower of Pisa to the Eiffel Tower, people have been playing with perspective in photos for over a century. It’s a nice take on it.
Start Them Young
After a full day of crawling, being prevented from eating sand and heavily drinking milk — and likely the occasional tantrum — this little guy is tuckered out. It’s a hard life being a small one on vacation. At least his parents can enjoy a few quiet drinks now.
We see this so many times: When you take a photo, make sure the background is clear! A little angling, and you can use the pineapple to eliminate the extraneous person. And yes, it’s a boob shot using the pineapple as a reason to show them off. Still, there’s no excuse for this sloppiness.
Scuba Diving 2.0
Didn’t you know that swimming is so passe? Especially when you’ve got what’s essentially a Scooty-Puff Junior on hand (obligatory Futurama reference). Whatever this is, sign us up because it’s literally the coolest thing we’ve ever seen. One question though: What happens if a shark sneaks up from the back?
Wow. We’ve heard of explosive decompression, but this guy seems determined to experience it. And even if it is air in there, we’re pretty sure it’s not a highly regulated mix. Let’s hope he at least cycled it a few times to get all the propane out.
Happens to the Best of Us Kid
Deckchairs: The bane of everyday life at the beach. Normally seen in herds of 20 or so, this solo chair has gone rogue on its own and has attempted to take on one of the weaker normal occupants. This rare sight can only be seen where the genus metallus springius maximus is found.
Whoever had the idea to paint this rock is a genius, and we wish we knew where it was, so we could recreate this exact picture. Admittedly, it would cost a few dollars, as it’s in Palolem Beach, South Goa, India. Let’s be honest, we bet we could get a few good photo ops out of it.
Joey at the Beach
Remember Joey from Friends? For some reason, we could see his character loving this. No sand, nice cushion, seaside view — what’s not to like? It’s absolutely the ultimate in comfort, although we do worry that he’s going to get carried away by the rising tide.